


Quality Assurance

by atetheredmind



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack Fic, F/M, Oral Sex, Probably a little OOC, Sex Toys, Vaginal Sex, implied pegging, this was just for fun, titty sucking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-19
Updated: 2018-10-19
Packaged: 2019-08-04 12:40:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16346906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atetheredmind/pseuds/atetheredmind
Summary: “I find that when it comes to sex with men, we women often have to take our pleasure into our own hands, don’t you think?”“Then you’re not fucking the right men,” he said bluntly, not even the least bit shy now. Her eyes flicked to him in surprise, and she pressed her lips together to fight a smile.“All men think they’re the right men,” she mused.AU where Dany and Jon are CEOs of competing sex toy companies and meet at a convention.





	Quality Assurance

**Author's Note:**

> As the tags state, this fic is meant in jest. It kind of started off as a joke, so I wouldn't take it too seriously. It's just Jon and Dany having fun :)
> 
> Thanks to my girl Alice in particular, for sending me the original reddit sex thread that spawned this random idea and bouncing ideas around with me. Also thanks to jalenmara, winelover1989, and starkgaryen4life on tumblr for the encouragement and inspiration!

“What does this do?”

Jon looked up from his phone, momentarily halting his flurry of angry texts to Theon as he took in the beautiful, petite woman standing in front of his booth, fiddling curiously with one of his sex toys.

Well, not his, personally. Obviously.

When he didn’t immediately answer, flustered as he was, she glanced at him and arched an eyebrow pointedly.

 _Fuck you, Theon,_ Jon thought before stuffing his phone in his pocket. “Ah. Right. Yeah, that’s a couples’ vibrator.”

She stared at him blankly. Jesus, her eyes were captivating. What color were they? Blue? Purple? Was that even natural? She looked perfectly statuesque even as he estimated her topping out at 5’1, 5’2—when she wasn’t teetering in those stilettos, that was. She wore a black, high-waisted pencil skirt and a blood-red crop top. Her platinum blonde hair was piled on top of her head in a smooth ballerina bun, not a hair out of place.

“And…how does it work, exactly?” she prompted, like she was talking to a 5-year-old. She flexed the ends of the U-shaped toy, bending the small arms.

Jon cleared his throat. “Well, one end goes inside the woman to, uh, stimulate the G-spot, and the other rests on the, ah, clitoris. And it vibrates.”

Not for the first, or last, time, Jon cursed his sales rep for coming down with the flu or whatever the hell he’d claimed it was and bailing on this sex toy convention. Theon was naturally sleazy and borderline predatory when hitting on women and men alike, which meant he was perfect for pushing Longclaw’s products at these kinds of events. Jon was the behind-the-scenes guy, for fuck’s sake. Just because he designed these things didn’t mean he could _talk_ about them.

“So how is it a couples’ vibrator, exactly?” the woman asked.

She was way too attractive for him to be having this conversation with her. Who was he kidding? He couldn’t have this conversation with an unattractive woman either.

“Well. You—I mean, not _you_ you, of course, but the woman—uses it during sex. So it’s vibrating while the guy is…you know—”

“Fucking her?” she suggested. His face went hot.

“Yep. So it feels good for both of them.” Finally remembering himself, Jon reached for the accompanying remote control and turned it on. The vibrator came to life in her hand, humming in demonstration. He tapped a few more controls until it was buzzing violently. “You can control the speed and…vibration,” he explained, feeling lame as she pursed her mouth in a pensive frown. She set it down, so he scrambled to turn it off before it could vibrate off the table.

“It’s a little too strong. I don’t know that you want her writhing in agony while you’re fucking her.” She shrugged. “Could be fun though, I suppose.”

Jon stood up and rubbed a hand down his beard. “We have some for sale, if you’d like one.”

She raised her eyebrows. “Oh, I’m not here to buy anything.” At his confused look, she smiled. “Just checking out the competition.”

His brow furrowed, eyes dropping to the lanyard hanging around her neck, but the name tag was flipped backward. “I’m sorry, who are you?”

She looked surprised at his ignorance but snorted in amusement. The playful sound seemed at odds with her perfectly put-together appearance. “Don’t worry about it. I enjoy having the advantage.” She quickly looked at his name tag, and he fought the childish inclination to shield it. “Jon Snow. So, Longclaw, is it? You guys must be new.”

“Yes.” He folded his arms over his chest defensively. She looked like she was enjoying this too much. Her red lips curved faintly, and she scanned the rest of his booth to survey his sex toys.

“And does your company have a specialty, Mr. Snow?”

“Couples, mainly,” he said. “What about you?” Maybe he could deduce her identity that way.

“Oh, I’m mainly concerned with a woman’s pleasure,” she said breezily with a dismissive wave of her hand. “I find that when it comes to sex with men, we women often have to take our pleasure into our own hands, don’t you think?”

“Then you’re not fucking the right men,” he said bluntly, not even the least bit shy now. Her eyes flicked to him in surprise, and she pressed her lips together to fight a smile.

“All men think they’re the right men,” she mused, but before he could retort, she picked up another toy. One of the sheathers. Jon groaned inwardly. “What does this do?”

He scratched at his beard, a flush heating his face again as she wiggled her fingers inside the hollowed-out silicone sheath, her black nail tip poking through the hole at the end. “It’s a sheather. The man puts it on his penis for, ah, added girth. It’s ridged on the inside and outside for his and her pleasure.”

She grinned at that. “Yes, I can feel that. I imagine some lube is needed with this.” He nodded stiffly, and she set it down on the table. “Well, I’m sure some men could use that, ah, extra girth, as you say.”

Seriously. Dying of pneumonia or not, he was going to rip Theon a new asshole when he got back home. Figuratively speaking.

“Women, too,” he muttered. She nodded, conceding his point.

“Girth is so much more important than length, in my experience,” she added with a lift of her shoulder.

Great. Now he was thinking about what kind of experience that was, exactly. Judging by her ease in talking about it—not to mention how drop-dead gorgeous she was—it was a lot.

“Well, this has been an enlightening discussion,” she continued, holding his gaze. She smiled. Was she mocking him? He started to frown, but she added, “Perhaps we can talk more afterward, over drinks? I’m interested in learning more about your products.”

He blinked. “Oh. Sure.”

She reached a hand across, and he took it. She smiled as they shook. “Daenerys Targaryen. Or Dany if that’s too difficult for you. It’s a bit of a mouthful for some people. I’ll see you later at the hotel bar, then.”

As she walked away, it finally hit him. Daenerys Targaryen. Of Bad Dragon, one of the world’s biggest retailers of fantastical sex toys.

Fuck. He’d just made a date with the Mother of Dragon Dildos.

* * *

Jon was in pain. His dick was on fire.

It could be worse, he tried to tell himself. He was currently balls-deep in Daenerys Targaryen, and she was fucking loving it, if her moans were any indication. Not the fake porno sounds either, but the ugly, animalistic grunts and cries that only a woman out of her mind with pleasure could make when she didn't give two fucks what she sounded like.

So, really, he should be proud. He was fucking her so good, sweat was beading on her back and the slippery commixture of cum and lube were slipping down her thighs. That once-perfect ballerina bun had been unraveled and disheveled a while ago, the back of her hair knotted from the pillow when he’d fucked her earlier—missionary style, that time.

“Yes, _fuck_ , don’t stop, don’t stop,” she grunted into the mattress, her thighs quaking against his as her cunt squeezed and vibrated around him. Jon gritted his teeth and slammed his hips into her ass harder, desperately wanting to finish but not sure he could, not like this, dear god—

He gasped and jerked out of her, almost falling off the bed in his haste. “I can’t, I’m sorry, but _holy fuck,_ it’s too fucking much.” Already, the relief was so immense, he practically doubled over. Hell, just the release from the agony nearly had him shooting his load. Even so, he was hard as a rock, his shaft flushed purple beneath the translucent latex of the condom, tacky with her arousal and the lube they’d been using, Shade of the Evening. A Longclaw product, of course.

Daenerys groaned her disappointment into the mattress—or maybe she was groaning in sheer pleasure. The vibrator was still inside her, after all, stimulating her from the inside and out. Her ass was up in the air, her hairless cunt puffy and glossy, a deeply aroused red—except for the bright blue silicone arm extruding from her pussy, wrapping around to press on her clitoris.

With some effort, Daenerys shakily lifted onto all fours and flopped over on her back. He could still hear the hum of the vibrator, and she pressed her legs together, arching off the bed with a gasp. Her breasts, the nipples bruised and her pale skin splotchy from beard-burn during his earlier attentions, bounced enticingly as she squirmed.

“Turn it off then,” she panted, peeling her eyes open.

Jon reached over to the nightstand beside the hotel bed and fumbled with the tiny remote until he got the vibrator turned off. She slumped into the bed with a pained sigh.

Grimacing, he swiped at the sweat on his face. “Sorry. Jesus _Christ_. It felt like my dick was in a meat grinder or something.”

She snorted, resting her hand on her belly as she arched an eyebrow at him. “I told you it was too strong. I’m surprised you didn’t realize how it would feel on your own dick.”

Even as she was lecturing him, she looked absolutely delectable, sprawled out naked on her back, with her skin flushed and dewy from their exertions. Jon stretched out beside her, propped up on his elbow. “I just come up with these things. I’m not the guinea pig. It must have felt fine for whichever poor bastard tested it.” Theon, probably. Jon had heard his stories. The sales rep was into some depraved shit.

No judgement, though. Not much, anyway. In fact, Jon was planning to send him a thank-you card for bailing on the convention.

Distracted, Jon lifted her breast in his hand and thumbed the nipple, rolling it under the callused pad of his thumb. She closed her eyes and pressed up into his hand, chewing on her bottom lip as he played with her still-tender nipple—she’d enjoyed the nipple clamps more than he would have suspected, honestly. Then again, considering who she was, he didn’t know why he should feel surprised.

Now that his cock no longer felt like it was being rubbed raw in a cement mixer, he became aware of the throb of his arousal, the demanding tug in his balls. He could smell the tang of her cunt in the air, the slightly sweet scent of the lube, and he leaned forward to suck her breast into his mouth, swabbing his tongue over the pebbled bud.

She moaned and opened her thighs, her own hand slipping down to her pussy. “Well, that’s unfortunate. I was quite enjoying that vibrator.”

“You didn’t have to stop it, you know.” He nibbled on the pointed tip of her tit before sucking it into his mouth.

Daenerys made a soft, pleased sound and grabbed at his damp hair, holding him to her breast. “If I was just interested in getting myself off, I wouldn’t have invited you up to my room.”

“I thought I was just here in a professional capacity. _‘You show me mine, I’ll show you yours,_ ’” he reminded her, blowing on her wet nipple. After the convention had ended at five, Jon had wandered over to the hotel bar, half-convinced Daenerys wouldn’t show up. But she’d already been waiting for him at a secluded table for two, sipping a glass of Merlot. They’d talked for a while, mostly about business but with enough innuendo that even Jon realized she was flirting with him. Still, he hadn’t been quite sure until she’d bluntly propositioned him with those very words.

“Mm.” She pulled the vibrator out with a slick, squelching sound. “I would give this...an 8.5. Probably best on my own time, though.” She smiled at him and dropped the vibrator on the other side of the bed.

He tried not to scowl, a little put out that one of his toys had been a bit of a disappointment. “We’ve only tried Longclaw’s toys so far. What about you? When are we going to critique your toys?”

“Soon." Her smile turned pitying. "I’m not sure you’re quite ready for what I’ve got in mind.”

He huffed and sat back on his elbow. “What does that mean?” She just sat up with him and pushed him to his back, straddling his waist.

“You’ll see,” she said before leaning down to kiss him, her tongue stroking into his mouth. Jon grabbed the back of her neck and raked his fingers up into her hair, wrapping the silky strands in his fist. In his frustration, his kiss turned brutal, teeth digging into her lips, his tongue invasive and demanding. Daenerys whimpered, her mouth momentarily going slack as she acquiesced to his control, but then she was giving it as good as she got, biting and tugging at his lips with impulsive cruelty.

Finally, she pushed on his shoulders and sat back. With a ragged breath, Jon released her hair, but he reached up to palm her tits, needing the weight of them in his hands, the softness of her skin juxtaposed against the rigid, pink nipples. He was surprised when she reached between them to grab his cock, lifting it off his belly to notch the head between her lips. Then she sank down onto him, working his cock inside her until his tip was kissing the back of her cunt.

“No toy?” he asked roughly as she began to move. With a gasp, she dropped her head back and braced her hands on his chest. Her hips rocked against him, steadily, purposely.

“Just— _ah_ , need to get off with you inside me,” she murmured. Jon ran his hands up her thighs to her waist, holding her as she rode him. It was more for her benefit than for his, the swiveling of her hips, the grinding of her cunt down onto his shaft to rub her clit against his pelvic bone, but he enjoyed watching her all the same. Using him, getting herself off. His balls ached, desperately wanting to be emptied, but he would hold out as long as she needed.

She was the fucking Mother of Dragon Dildos, and he had something to prove.

It didn’t take her long, already primed by the vibrator and their earlier fucking. Her breath hitched in a belly-deep groan, and he felt her cunt clench and ripple around his cock. Savoring the pleasure, Daenerys rutted against him a moment longer to prolong her orgasm before she eventually slowed to a stop. On instinct, Jon thrust up into her, needing her to move. Mercifully, she wasn’t hard to coax, and she began to ride him in earnest, this time sliding up and down his cock until she was bouncing on top of him, her tits jiggling every time their hips collided.

His climax hit him fast, but he’d already held off for so long, he didn’t feel too bad about it. Feeling his balls tighten painfully, Jon grabbed her thigh and sat up, snaking his other hand into her hair to pull her in for a rough, clumsy kiss.

“Dany,” he grunted into her mouth, his tongue brushing wetly against hers, but when he came, he buried his face in her chest, panting breathlessly. His cock pulsed inside the tight grip of her cunt as he filled the condom, his fingertips bruising her hip. She wrapped her arms around his neck and rocked with him, small, encouraging movements as if to milk every drop from him.

He could feel the wetness of her around the base of his cock and through the thin membrane of the condom, her cum coating his pubic hair. Just knowing how wet he made her rekindled his savagery. Jon rolled her underneath him and pulled out of her, careful to hold the base of the condom as he did so. He slipped it from his softening cock and tied it off, then tossed it to the floor over the edge of the bed. A problem for later.

Daenerys snorted in amusement, watching him keenly as he kissed down her chest, sucking at her nipples once more before he moved over her belly. When he was between her thighs, she lifted her knees up, and he nuzzled into her satin-smooth cunt, inhaling deeply. “Wow. You’re suddenly very bold, Jon Snow. Maybe I should wash the lube off,” she suggested, though she didn’t push him away. He shook his head.

“It’s fine,” he growled, opening his mouth to drag his tongue up the seam of her cunt. Her thighs fell open as she pressed against him with a humming sigh. He licked her slick folds, pressing his tongue into her in a greedy kiss. He could taste the synthetic flavor of the lube, but he could taste her, too—musky, salty. Her lips were as soft as silk against his mouth and tongue, and he eagerly lapped at her cunt like it was a ripe, juicy peach, only grazing her swollen clit with passing licks or nose nudges until she was writhing and pulling at his hair impatiently. Still, he fucked her with his tongue a little while longer, swallowing the gush of her cum as he worked her over again. Finally, he turned to her clit, swirling the tip of his tongue under the fleshy hood before dragging the flat of his tongue over it.

Daenerys bowed off the bed with a gasp and pushed up on her elbows to palm the back of his head. “Jon,” she grunted when he flicked her clit with his tongue, just a gentle pulse, her heels and toes digging into his shoulder muscles, her knees pushed up to her breasts. Her flat belly quivered with her shuddering breaths, the tension winding her muscles tight. As soon as he sucked the little nub of her clit between his teeth, she came, hard and loud, her head thrown back. Suckling at her clit, he slid two fingers inside her wet channel to give her pussy something to grip as he wrung the pleasure from her. He crooked his fingers upward, and she twitched against him with a sharp cry, nearly ripping his hair out.

Third orgasm of the night for her. He was pretty damn pleased with his efforts.

Once she was done trembling, he shrugged her feet off him, her legs flopping bonelessly to either side of him. As he crawled back up to her, she grabbed his face and held him close, wiping his beard clean of her stickiness. “Well. That tongue of yours might be as good as any vibrator I’ve ever used," she said with a smile, smoothing her thumbs over his lips.

He puffed up a little at the praise. “Your vibrators might could use some improvements, then.”

She pushed his face away, rolling her eyes. With a gruff chuckle, Jon rolled onto his back and watched her climb out of bed. She squealed suddenly, making him jump.

“What?”

She shot him a dirty look over her shoulder before leaning down. When she straightened, she was holding the used condom pinched between two fingers. “I stepped on it, so thanks for that.”

He grimaced apologetically. “Sorry.” He offered to take it from her, but she waved him off.

“I’ve gotta use the bathroom, anyway.”

As she stood up, she shook her hair out, the long blonde locks tumbling down her back. With her free hand, she attempted to finger-comb out the tangles in the back, which were looking worse now. Jon watched her stride to the bathroom, admiring the curves of her toned yet perfectly rounded ass.

A moment later, she emerged from the bathroom, still stark naked and seemingly indifferent to the fact. Not that she had anything to be self-conscious of. She was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen.

Daenerys stopped short of getting back into the bed with him, her hands on her hips as she studied him critically. He frowned at her calculating perusal of his body and fought the urge to cover his junk. “What? Are you mad about the condom?”

“No.” She reconsidered. “Though maybe there should be some retribution for that,” she said sternly, before smiling at him. “I think it’s time we try out my toys, actually.”

He blew out a breath, feigning exasperation even as his excitement surged. “What did you have in mind?” he asked casually, folding his arms behind his head.

She didn’t reply as she crossed to her suitcase in the corner of her room. Jon silently ogled her ass while she rifled through her contents. In his anticipation, blood was flowing south to his dick with greater urgency.

Finally, Daenerys turned to him, something clutched in her hand at her side. Jon squinted at it, trying to make sense of it. “You're familiar with Bad Dragon’s products, aren't you?”

His heartbeat thrummed in his throat. “Yes.” When she lifted the toy up for him to see, his stomach bottomed out.

She was holding a dragon dick-shaped, strap-on dildo.

Her smile widened dangerously. “Tell me, Jon. How do you feel about getting fucked in the ass by a woman?”

**Author's Note:**

> See? It's funny!
> 
> Bad Dragon is a real company, but it just worked too perfectly in this universe, so please excuse any liberties I took with it here.


End file.
